Funny Valentine Day Jokes

funny, goofy and stupid jokes for that romantic special day

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                Valentine Day's Jokes
          other funny forwarded emails
             can be downloaded from:

What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine’s Day?
Ughs and kisses

What did the boy squirrel say to the girl squirrel on Valentine’s Day?
I’m nuts about you

What did the girl squirrel say to the boy squirrel on Valentine’s Day?
You’re nuts so bad yourself

What did the light bulb say to the switch?
You turn me on.

What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand? 

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Howard who?
Howard you like a big kiss?

Knock, Knock,
Who's there?
Olive who?
Olive you!

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss.
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed

I thought that I could love no other.
Until, that is, I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. 
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Of loving beauty you float with grace.
If only you could hide your face.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot; 
This describes everything you are not.

I want to feel your sweet embrace.
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes.
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming. 
That's why I always wake up screaming.

My love, you take my breath away. 
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell, 
Except for maybe "go to hell".

What inspired this amorous rhyme? 
Two parts vodka, one part lime

A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it--only to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams".