THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW WITHOUT THE MOVIES

humourous comments about movie cliches

This is one of those messages that gets forwarded around on the net. I have no idea who orginially scribbled them down, but they are are quite amusing reflections. I added a bunch of my own ones as well.
If you have reflections of your own, mail them and I include them.


   

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     THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW WITHOUT THE MOVIES
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        humourous comments about movie cliches
 
  1. During all police investigations it will be necessary to
     visit a strip club at least once.
 
  2. All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
 
  3. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up
     to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the
     man lying beside her.
 
  4. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world
     expert in Nuclear Fission at age 22.
 
  5. Being a computer programmer means that you recognize and know all
     backdoors to any kind of software on any kind of computer
     in any timecritical moment.
 
  6. Being a detective means that you always find the killer just the minute
     before the criminal is about to commit some new horrifying crime.
 
  7. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding
     place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and
     you can travel to any other part of the building you want
     without difficulty.
 
  8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it
     will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent
     will do.
 
  9. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious
     beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
 
 10. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen
     at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light
     instead.
 
 11. If in a black room: light one candle, it will be sufficient light
     for the whole room.
 
 12. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any
     strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
 
 13. Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
 
 14. Wearing a vest or stripping to the waist can make a man
     invulnerable to bullets.
 
 15. If you find yourself caught up in a misunderstanding that
     could be cleared up quickly with a simple explanation, for
     goodness sake, keep your mouth shut.
 
 16. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright
     and pant.
 
 17. A cough is usually the sign of a terminal illness.
 
 18. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with
     large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to
     go off.
 
 19. When in love, it is customary to burst into song.
 
 20. When confronted by an evil international terrorist, sarcasm
     and wisecracks are your best weapons.
 
 21. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them
     than 20 men firing at 1 man.
 
 22. Creepy music coming from a cemetery should always be
     investigated more closely.
 
 23. If being fired at by Germans, hide in a river - or even a bath.
     German bullets are unable to penetrate water.
 
 24. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the
     communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
 
 25. Freelance helicopter pilots are always eager to accept bookings
     from international terrorist organizations - even though the job
     will require them to shoot total strangers and will end in their
     own certain death as the helicopter explodes in a ball of flames.
 
 26. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper clippings - especially
     if any of their family or friends have died in a strange boating
     accident.
 
 27. All computer disks will work in all computers, regardless of
     software.
 
 28. Important data that terrorists want to get their hands on
     is always stored on ONE floppy disk only.
     It is not possible for the hero to make a backup of that floppy.
 
 29. Anyone typing on a computer when someone is looking over their
     shoulder type everything perfectly without having to use backspace.
 
 30. Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make
     sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total
     opposite.
 
 31. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to
     each other.
 
 32. Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal
     damage despite laying entire cities to waste by their actions.
 
 33. When police arrive to a crime scene finding one man standing alone with
     fires all around him, loads of dead men and money flying around in the wind;
     there is only one possiblity: that man has to one of the good ones so
     there is no need to arrest him or question him further.
 
 34. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
 
 35. Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in
     seconds - unless it's the door to a burning building with a
     child trapped inside.
 
 36. You can tell if somebody is British because they will be
     wearing a bow tie.
 
 37. When driving a car it is normal to look not at the road but
     at the person sitting beside you or in the back seat for the
     entire journey.
 
 38. An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will
     cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child.
 
 39. Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned
     down three days before their retirement.
 
 40. The more a man and a woman hate each other, the more likely
     they will fall in love.
 
 41. Having a job of any kind will make father's forget their son's
     eighth birthday.
 
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