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Funny lawyer jokes

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                Lawyer Jokes
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  A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car 
  came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely.  
  
  When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was 
  complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
  
  "Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeeemer!!!", 
  he whined.
  
  "You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" 
  retorted the officer.  "You're so worried about your stupid 
  BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was 
  ripped off!!!"
  
  "Oh my gaaaad...", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the 
  bloody left shoulder where his arm once was.
  
  "Where's my Rolex???!!!!" 
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 A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone 
  maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest 
  man, and a lawyer." 
  
  The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, 
  for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under 
  the stone.
  
  However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies 
  a man who was both honest and a lawyer. 
  
  "That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, 
  they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!"
 
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  A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks 
  him "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?" 
  
  The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a 
  quarter to a homeless person on the street." 
  
  Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and 
  after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true. Saint Peter 
  said, "Well, that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to 
  get you into Heaven." 
  
  The Lawyer said, "Wait Wait! There's more! Three years ago I also
  gave a homeless person a quarter."
  
  Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back,
  affirming this, too, had been verified. Saint Peter then whispered 
  to Gabriel, "Well, what do you  suggest we do with this fellow?"
  Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint
  Peter,
  
  "Let's give him back his 50 cents and
  tell him to go to H---."