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This was posted to a newsgroup for filksongs, some year ago

Newsgroup posting by Tom Holt

"I wanted to be the first kid in our street to filk Not The Way To Get Laid; but the #1 version was born weak and sickly, so I thought i'd abandon it on this hillside to die. Anybody wants to take it home and bring it up with the other wolfcubs, be my guest."

If you want your filksongs sung
But you're weak in heart or lung
Or your mouth's too small for your tongue,
I'll tell you the way to get played.
Don't write half an hour of ose;
Songs that scan and rhyme like prose;
Life's too short for more of those.
This is not the way to get played.
Don't heap 'stars' with gold or furs
Or fill their mugs with beer.
Filkers all are amateurs
Or else they wouldn't still be here.
Don't write dirty songs for men;
Don't write songs that sneer at fen;
Don't filk 'Kraken' yet again;
This is not the way to get played.
Don't filk books that no-one's read,
Books by authors long since dead,
Books you wrote inside your head;
This is not the way to get played.
If your song's too gross to sing,
(Not even for a bet)
That's one song you'd better sling,
Or post up on the Internet.
Don't waste spirit, time or wealth
Stalking pros with guile & stealth;
Sing the goddamn thing yourself -
That's the only way to get played.
(The #2 version, "Not the way to get paid", shows slightly more promise. But not much.)

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Book Cover of Djinn Rummy

Quote from Djinn Rummy

...and we have already seen how insurance is like a pyramid -
 (Huge, incomprehensible, hideously, expensive, completly unnecessary and specifically designed only to be of benefit to you once you're dead?)
(Tom Holt, "Djinn Rummy")
You can read more about and order this book online from Amazon: UK - USA - Canada - Deutschland

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All stories/filksongs is written by Tom Holt, and not by me.
This is a fan-page about Tom Holt, made by me,
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